Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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