Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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