How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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