i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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