I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
