once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
