you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
