What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
