I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize