When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
