So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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