At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
