organizing the empties. That sober.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My bed smells like the plague
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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