You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
