It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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