it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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