sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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