I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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