i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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