operation have a gay friend backfired
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
