Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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