What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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