shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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