All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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