Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
