PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
