I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
