Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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