Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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