I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
