i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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