If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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