My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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