he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
