And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I would fuck him just for his dog
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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