she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
