it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
