I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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