well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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