wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
