You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
