textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize