bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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