STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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