Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
