you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
