haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
