Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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