Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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