You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
