i just google imaged poop.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
