I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
