I skipped work to stalk him.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
