Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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