Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't turn off my feet"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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