she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
