Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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