you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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