now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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