Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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