a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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