bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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