All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
