saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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