can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
