whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
